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A man goes into a bar in Louisiana where there is a robot bartender.>

The robot says, What will you have



The guy replies, Whiskey.



The robot brings back his drink and asks, Whats your IQ



The guy say, 168.



The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.





After the guy leaves and the more he thinks about it, the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back.



The robot asks, Whats your drink



The guy answers, Whiskey.



The robot returns with his drink and asks, Whats your IQ



The man replies, 100.



The robot talks about NASCAR, Budweiser, shrimp creole, and LSU, of course.







The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is still so interested in his experiment that he decides to try again.



He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he wants to drink.



The man replies, Whiskey.




The robot brings the drink and asks, Whats your IQ

The man answers, 35



The robot leans in real close and whispers, So . . . Do you folks really think you're going to convict Donald Trump?







"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time... and your

government when it deserves it." - Mark Twain





























 

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A young man named Donald bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day the next day the farmer drove up to Donald's house and said "sorry son but I have some bad news the horse died" Donald replied "well then just give me my money" back the farmer said "can't do that I went and spent it already" Donald said "okay then just bring me the dead horse" the farmer asked "what you going to do with him?" Donald said "I'm going to raffle him off" the farmer said "you can't raffle off a dead horse" Donald said "sure I can watch me I just won't tell anybody he's dead" a month later the farmer met up with Donald and asked "what happened with that dead horse" Donald said "I raffled him off I sold 500 tickets at $5 a piece and made a profit of $2,495 the farmer said "didn't anyone complain?" Donald said "just the guy who won so I gave him his $5 back".. Donald has recently moved into the White House MAGA -2020
 
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Bill and John are looking for a place to hunt. They find some prime wooded property that has a farm house adjoining the woods and decide to ask the farmer for permission to hunt. Bill approaches and knocks on the farm house door, introduces himself and asks for permission to hunt. The farmer agrees in exchange for a small favor. Seems his old mule is dying and he just can't bring himself to putting the mule down. "If you'll put her down, I'll take care of the body and you and your friend are free to hunt on my land anytime".

As Bill walks back to the truck he decides to play a prank on John. "Well", says John, "is he going to let us hunt on his land"?. Bill replies, "That old farmer was the meanest, nastiest, SOB I've ever seen. I'll show him". Bill raises his shotgun and shoots the mule standing in the barnyard. Before Bill can turn around he hears another two shots fired; BAM, BAM. Startled, he looks back at John and screams "what the hell was that"? John shouts "I got his horse and a cow. Let's get the hell outta here"!
 

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Two men were sitting at a bar atop the John Hancock building. One guy says to the other, "You know, the winds are so strong that if you jump out of the window, you'll get blown right back in." The other guy laughs and they make a $100 bet. The first guy opens the window, jumps out, and sails right back in and collects his winnings. The other guy, amazed, tries it and plunges to his death. The bartender, shaking his head says, "Superman, you sure are mean when you get drunk."
 

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You will love this one!



Billy was having trouble in school. His teacher constantly yelled at him; "You're driving me crazy, Billy! Can't you learn anything"



Billy's mother met with his teacher at fall conferences. The teacher told her Billy was a disaster, getting the lowest marks of any of her students and that she had never had such an unmotivated and ignorant little boy in all of her teaching career.



Billy's mom, shocked at this feedback, withdrew her son immediately and moved from Detroit to Cleveland.



25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with a severe cardiac disease. Her doctors advised open heart surgery and that only one surgeon in the Cleveland Clinic could perform the procedure.



The teacher decided to have the procedure, which was remarkably successful. In the recovery room, she saw the young doctor who headed her surgical team, smiling down at her.



She wanted to thank him. Instead, her face suddenly turned blue as she tried to speak and then she quickly died.



The doctor was shocked, wondering what went suddenly wrong.



When the doctor turned to leave the room, he saw that Billy, the janitor at the Clinic, had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to plug in his vacuum cleaner.



If you thought that Billy had become a heart-surgeon, there is a good chance you'll vote for Joe Biden!



 

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A man walks into a pet shop and asks the owner “do you have a cat that is good for mice?”

The owner says “this is Binky. He is definitely good for mice.”

A week later the man walks back into the pet shop. Very distraught, he shouts “I thought you said this cat, Binky, was good for mice! He lays there, asleep, while the filthy little rodents run all over him on the way to eat the food in the pantry. What do you have to say about that?”

The owner tilts down his spectacles, smiles and says “well...isn’t that good for mice?”
 

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I saw this beautiful woman at the grocery store and asked her....Dear, I’ve lost my girlfriend....do you mind if I talk to you for a moment as I’m sure it will help?.....Ok, she says, but how is it supposed to help......Trust me I said, she’ll come out of nowhere any minute now......
 

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Lawyers should never ask a Texas grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Texas small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.....:)
 

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A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

...Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeh, and I love you too. What's up with you??
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the f*ck did you do now?
7. ?!?
8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she??
 

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A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note...
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote..."I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes."
 
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