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An old priest lay dying in a Hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital.

He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi before I die", whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived. Chuck and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Chuck commented to Nancy "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images." Nancy couldn't help but agree.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Nancy's hand in his right hand and Chuck's hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face. Finally Nancy spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"

The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." The old priest continued... "He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same!"




- Kinda brings a smile to your face doesn't it.....
 

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1. A girl is said to be grown-up when she starts wearing a bra. - A boy is grown-up when he starts removing it.

2. We all love to spend money buying new clothes
but we never realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

3. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice,
but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is - PRICELESS.

4. Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore..... A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors & Budweiser.
Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.



(I haven't verified this on Snopes, but it sounds about right.)

 
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Discussion Starter #526
i only like small batch crafted busts
Lruss
 
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Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ? Where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!!!!! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.


The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:


"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
 

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Why is the Country doing so well?


Because Nancy Pelosi is constantly praying for the president.
 

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Barack Obama meets with the Queen of England. He asks her, “Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?”
“Well,” says the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”
Obama frowns, “But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?”
The Queen takes a sip of tea. “Oh, that’s easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.” The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. “Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?”
Tony Blair walks into the room. “Yes, my Queen?”
The Queen smiles. “Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”
Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answers, “That would be me.”
“Yes! Very good,” says the Queen.
Obama goes back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice president, the same question. “Joe. Answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”
“I’m not sure,” says Biden. “Let me get back to you on that one.” He goes to members of the Cabinet and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. He goes to the Supreme Court and asks all nine members and doesn’t get an answer. He goes to Congress and asks most of the members to no avail. Finally, he walks into the Colin Powell’s office and says, “Colin, see if you can answer this riddle: Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”
Powell says, “It’s me!”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Biden smiles, and says, “Thanks!” Then, he goes back to speak with Obama.
“Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Colin Powell.”
Obama gets up, stomps over to Biden, and angrily yells into his face, “No, you idiot! It’s Tony Blair!”
 

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I thought you would like to laugh !












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Ahh, . . . my kingdom for a paintball gun (see above post ^^^^)............ USNAUSNAUSNA

May God bless,
Dwight
 

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So I pull into the Gas Station to fill up my Subaru. I went inside to pay. As I was walking in I noticed two Officers standing and watching a man who was smoking as he was pumping his gas. I saw him and thought is this Man drunk, or just plain stupid. As I was walking out I heard someone screaming, I looked and the man arm was on fire. He was swinging his arm and running around going crazy. The two Officers took him to the ground and extinguished his arm with their coffee. Then they handcuffed the man and placed him in a Patrol Car. Being curious as to why they were arresting the man, I asked one of the Officers. He looked me square in the eyes, and said Waiving a Firearm in Public.
 

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A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"

All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"

...Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."

The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.

Here are some of the replies:
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeh, and I love you too. What's up with you??
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the f*ck did you do now?
7. ?!?
8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she??
 

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A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
After a short while the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note...
After a few minutes he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone... "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about bloody time, I'm coming to see you, put on that sexy French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like."
He hung up, grabbed his keys and left.
She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed. Seething with rage and with tears in her eyes she grabbed the note to see what he wrote..."I can see your feet. We're outta bread: be back in five minutes."
 
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